frostbitten fingertips
the end of 2006, the end of an era. what a year it has been..
although it feels somewhat premature to be reflecting on the year gone by, this cool, gray afternoon, the sound of raindrops tapping on the trees outside my window inspires my soul to awaken from its year-long slumber; a new blog, a new life, a new me, back where it all began, singapore.
ten years have gone, in what feels like a fleeting moment. perhaps the only signs are a few telling lines on my face, or maybe, a much wiser mind, and a soul that feels so much more at peace.
i feel i have spent most of my life in a state of change. was it to seek a better place, or was it because i couldn't bear being where i was? the seasons changed, and my life turned with the ebb and flow of nature. back here, for the first time in ten years, nothing , and everything, has changed. there has been no summer, no spring, no autumn and no winter. and yet, it feels like i returned in a whirlwind, taking up my past, meeting the present, seeing the future, and settling with the dust, only to find happiness.
and how is it ,that i still feel the seasons?
the autumn lights illuminate my soul, as I remember my grandmother in her twilight years. Death comes to us all, and this woman, my grandmother, embraced it, welcomed it even, with the same courage she used to embrace life.
my heart warms like the summer when I see my mother filled with hope and finding new possibilities; my sister chasing her dreams, and reaching out to them as they get closer and closer, soon to be in her grasp; and when i feel the love of my friends, their tears, their laughter, and just them living life, the way it was meant to be lived..
and what of spring? it is a new begining, and it brings such beauty into my life, just as the love of my life has brought with him. for he is like the flower you find unexpectedly in the garden when you step outside on the first day of spring, and it makes you smile, even as it takes your breath away.
sadly, my heart also feels the chill of winter, as my mind fills with thoughts of my father, and I realise the irony: had he not left us, perhaps, none of this would have come to pass.
the antipodean seasons are all within me, and indeed, I feel the excitement, tempered with a strange calm.
i reach out to hold the hands of those around me.
winter is here, my lovelies, but have no fear in your hearts..